The first day of the rest of my life

The online version of my paper diary. I've kept the old-fashioned paper diaries since I was a kid, until I discovered the fun of online diaries. Lately I've missed being able to update whenever I felt like it, wherever I was, and with whatever the hell came into my head at the time. So I've decided to do both. I can't promise coherence or sanity. It's just a smattering of the random thoughts that fly out of that bundle of misfiring neurons that my psychiatrist assures me is my brain.

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Location: Queensland, Australia

Just your resident manic-depressive writer... well aspiring writer anyway.

Tuesday, April 05, 2005

Another scarey Weight Watchers day

8.30am At home Typical isn’t it? Dad wants to burn off and we get that wet stuff falling from the sky in the night (that I’m refusing to call rain, or really believe in its existence at all). The point of this burning off is to get rid of garden rubbish that won’t break down and can’t be used in other ways (e.g. be turned into mulch or used as firewood in winter.) Mostly this is palm fronds, because believe me these things are huge and just do NOT break down. We’ve had them kicking around for a year and they don’t rot, they just sit there taking up space. Even the donkeys won’t eat them.

Dad has gone to see if it’ll be too wet to light. If not, the non-dry ground will be useful to prevent the fire from spreading, considering how dry things have been. What Mum and I usually end up doing is being on ‘bucket duty’ which consists of running backwards and forwards between the dam and the fire so Dad can throw water on the fire to prevent it burning too quickly and too hot. Last time the flames were a good 10meters into the air even with the water.

I didn’t sleep well last night, so I’m trying to guzzle down enough coffee to wake me up before engaging in dangerous activities.

8.45am Everything wet, but Dad wants to give it a try.

9.10am Nice slow burn, so Dad doesn’t need me for the moment. Sitting here with yellow walkie-talkie that keeps making horrible noises and I don’t know why. At least I’ve worked out it’s not them trying to call me. The walkie-talkie is in case they need to summon me in an emergency.

Really want to go back to sleep, but I shouldn’t I guess. Have to go grocery shopping, so is probably a good idea to get it done in the morning.

9.50am Walkie-talkie is completely fucked. Just as well they didn’t need my help. Mum doesn’t wan to do the shopping ‘til this afternoon and as I need her for a lift, that’s when I’m doing mine too. Very sleepy. Too sleepy to study. Two coffee’s haven’t woken me up, so I guess nothing will really.

6.25pm Slept, but not well. Woke up with a very full bladder after dreaming that I’d spent hours searching for a toilet only to find that every one I came across had something wrong with it, was locked or so dirty you wouldn’t want to go near it. Really wonder what goes on inside my subconscious sometimes. On second thoughts, I don’t think I want to know. Scary thing is, I’ve had this dream before.

It’s Tuesday night. Weight Watchers. Oh God. I have NOT been good this week. All the Easter eggs that the relatives left here (that I managed to resist at Easter) and Dad’s birthday (Roast lamb and orange and poppyseed cake) have really been my undoing. That and I haven’t been exercising apart from yoga last night.

Oh well, if I’ve gained anything this week, it will just be incentive to try harder next week. I really should get back to points tracking again. Wonder if Mum wants to go halves in the points calculator. She said she would last week.

I really should get ready to go out.

6.35pm Perhaps I should cheat and wear shorts.

6.37pm Except that they need ironing, and my iron is stuffed so I have to go over to Mum and Dads and use theirs. Oh well.

6.50pm Shorts ironed. Chilly outside. Will probably freeze.

6.55pm Surely having had hair cut this week will have counted for something.

6.58pm And not having fluid retention like last week.

6.59pm Wish I hadn’t had that pasta earlier (around 4.30) but I hadn’t eaten since 9am or so.

7.01pm Time to go face the scales.

8.30pm 75.3kg. Exactly the same as last week. In fact, exactly the same as 6 weeks ago. How I’m managing this I’m not sure. I mean up or down slightly even I could understand, but exactly the same?

We bought the points calculator.

I’m making two resolutions: to start tracking points again (being strict with serving sizes) and to start exercising again. After all, if I can maintain this weight with no effort, starting to lose weight again shouldn’t be too difficult. So I’m going to track my points and exercise and record them here each day to keep myself honest.

I don’t know if it’ll be possible to do today’s accurately as I haven’t measured anything. Tomorrow will be a problem too because R (sister) is arriving home from the UK and we are meeting her at the airport sometime tomorrow night. Dad wants to have dinner at the RSL beforehand. It’s hard to guess points when you eat out.

I might go play with the calculator now.

9.20pm Calculator is fluro green. At least you’d never lose it in your handbag.

I stuffed up the daily points settings and I’m not sure how to change it. There is a reset button at the back, but you can only reach it through a tiny hole and I’m not sure what I can use to get to it. Oh fuck it, will do it another time. For now, can just calculate what I’ve had today.

10.10pm Gave up on the points. I have no idea how much pasta I had earlier. All I do know is that I’m sure I went over the 20 points. Will make sure I’m at 20 or under tomorrow.

Sleepy sleepy.